about a girl

“honey, you have to stop wanting to die”

She grabs the handle
Slams the head down on the counter
Cuts her gums
Trying to pry the plastic loose
With her teeth
Pulls out the thin strip of metal

With her you learn to hide your razors
To never leave her alone in the kitchen
And always listen for the sound of broken glass

Scars layer the inside of her wrists
Some from a razor
Some from a mirror

She says it’s not so serious now
Pulls up the leg of her jeans
Blood seeping through the sock
Little lines like the stripes on a flag

I clean it, every night
She clenches my arm at the burn
As gentle as I am
As much care as I put into it
Knowing she’ll do it again

She locks herself in the bathroom
Turns the water on full bore to cover the sound
Of her going through all the drawers, cursing
But she finds one in the garbage

Comes out and says “I did something bad”
Shows me like a child
It’s deeper this time
3 inches wide like a toothless grin

Blood is everywhere she walks away from me
Footsteps on the front porch
Trails up and down the stairs
A puddle on the living room carpet
Where she sat like a child
Rocking back and forth as the blood ran down her leg

She won’t go to the hospital
Just wants to go to sleep
Says she wants to die with me
and I think it’s sweet

I wait till she passes out on the floor
call the EMS
And tell them she’ll fight

She does
Tries to bite them
As they strap her down
Yells that she’s not crazy
I’m the one that’s crazy

And it’s true
For loving you
Then and more so now